We are a few days into the fall season and depending on where you live, the weather can begin to take a drastic change. There is a joke that some women make during this season, saying that they need a man when it gets cold to keep them warm. With only 3 months left in 2012, many single men and women begin to reflect on the year and wonder why they are still single. Perhaps some have come and some have gone, but the fact remains that you are still single.
We all know that being single is not a bad thing at all. However, societal pressures and television oftentimes make it seem like something is wrong with you. Of course, this is not likely the case. The proverbial ticking biological clock always comes up as well. No one is in control of time; you can only control what you do with that time.
Many of you have had friends, family members, co-workers, etc. all diagnose you as to why you are single. They may also tell you why you need to be with someone. They also tell you why you should stay with someone, even though you know deep down on the inside that it’s time to leave. There are thousands of ways to explain why people do what they do, but you can only be responsible for what you do.
It may feel like everyone seems to know what type of person you would like or the type of person you need. Well, we will make their job a little easier.
I have included 5 reasons you are still single:
1.) You Haven’t Met The Right One Yet- I mean this is a no brainer. This is as common sensible as it gets. All the other pressures are unnecessary. If you haven’t met them yet, you just haven’t met them yet. You can’t snap your fingers and they will appear. If that were the case, no one would have a process.
I’ve reiterated that if God is leading, both the man and the woman must wait on God. The man must wait for God to show Him the woman and the woman must wait for the man to find her. The common denominator is that both should wait on God.
I would much prefer you stick to your standards than to try to make someone fit where they were never intended to fit. I know that at times it can get frustrating and doesn’t seem to make sense, but what really doesn’t make sense is to try to force a relationship. You know the old saying, “If it don’t fit, don’t force it.”
God is not confused, nor is he incapable of counting. He knows how many years it has been. Guess what? It is impossible for even you to care about you more than God does. So, He wants what He wants for you when He wants it. We just have to be cool with the process.
If we were to really be honest, the process is not always so bad. It seems to get bad when we get in the way. It also gets bad when you come to the realization that you have been entertaining foolishness and wasting time, which only seems to remind you why you were single in the 1st place. In the words of Sweet Brown in her news interview that went viral all across the globe, “Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That.”
2.) You Have Standards- When did standards become a lost art? When did standards become looked down upon? Standards are not highly glorified in the media, so there may be some who may make you feel like something is wrong with you for having standards. Chivalry may be considered dead in some parts of society, but it doesn’t have to be dead on your block.
If you don’t command respect, it will not always automatically be given. If you have standards that you maintain, you should be proud. You should not feel bad because someone tries to make you feel as though something is wrong with you for having realistic expectations.
Ladies, I’ve said time and time again that a man will work hard for what he wants. He doesn’t need you to help him see that you are a great woman. If you have to attempt to convince him, you are already in a deficit.
Again, set your standard and enforce it early and often. IF YOU CONTINUE TO PACIFY A MAN, YOU WILL CREATE A BABY FOR LIFE! BABIES ARE FOR PARENTS, GROWN IS FOR ADULTS!
A baby can’t marry a grown adult. They are devoid of responsibility and wisdom. Respect your standard and your standard will always respect you because it does a great job of eliminating unqualified candidates.
A great test of your standard is when you set it and someone else comes along and raises the standard. What’s sexier than that? Yes, it is possible, even if you have to eliminate quite a few to get there.
3.) You Have A Boring Schedule- Everyone can find reasons to be busy, but busy doesn’t always mean productive. Sometimes you have to change your routine. The most popular routine is from work to home or work, home and church. All those are excellent, but you must diversify. Go out and have fun. If the truth be told, some have cliques even at church. Do you really know much about those you come in contact with often?
Let us also be reminded of some places you may choose to hang out. Some environments are not necessarily the best place to meet like-minded individuals. What do you enjoy doing? What are some of your hobbies? Go to the park, painting, networking events, etc. Learn to enjoy you for once.
Do you remember how to have fun doing something you actually enjoy? Are the things you enjoyed last year the same types of things you enjoy this year, or are you still doing it because everyone else is still doing it and it’s a habit?
Some of you have catered to others so much, you don’t know how to enjoy you and actually feel guilty when doing so. You don’t need to go hoping that you meet someone. If that’s strong in your heart, it will show one way or another. Desperate has a sound and it caters to all 5 senses.
Meeting interesting new people is ok. Ladies, I’m absolutely Not saying put yourself out there or chase after a man. I’m Not saying approach a man. What I am saying is, WHEN YOU LIVE LIFE AND LOVE LIFE, LIFE WILL WORK IN YOUR FAVOR! God’s life for you will treat you good in the long haul. It’s a natural progression that actually requires less effort than you may think.
4.) You Are Focused- It is great to be focused on the tasks ahead of you and to pursue your goals. This is what we all should do. When you are entrenched in what you are doing, you don’t have a lot of idle time to think about why you are still single. You are always successful when you are pursuing and accomplishing goals.
Love will ultimately find you. You must 1st be in love with you for real. LOVE IS ATTRACTED TO ITSELF AND IT WILL ALWAYS FIND ITSELF. The problem is when lust is attracted to love. That’s where a lot of problems come into play. Lust is deceitful and crafty because it can disguise itself as love. Be careful.
You should also be aware that if you are always talking about the reasons why you are still single, you are likely lying to yourself or to someone else. Who are you trying to convince? If you’re single, you’re single and you don’t need any justifications for it.
If you feel the need to bring attention to why you are single more often than not, then others will see that you are truly crying out for attention. The unfortunate part is that the attention that you will attract is not the attention you will want or need.
IF YOU ARE TRULY FOCUSED ON DOING YOU, YOUR ACTIONS WILL SPEAK FOR ITSELF, KEEP YOUR COMMENTARY FOR MORE MIND STIMULATING DIALOGUE AS OPPOSED TO MIND NUMBING ONE’S!
5.) You Are In Transition- One concept of being single is simply the transition between singlehood and marriage. The key is that you are constantly moving forward and living life to the fullest.
You are not at a standstill, but you are in transition. In order to get to the other side, you have to walk. It’s a marathon. You have to pace yourself. You know when to walk and when to sprint. You may not get it right all the time, but it’s all part of the process. The more mistakes you can avoid, the better.
Everyone has a process. As long as you are sincerely doing your part, the rest is on God. You will be amazed at what you see when you decide what not to look at. You’re in between single and married. Transition is not bad. Whatever you do, don’t abandon ship. Just ride that ship to the other side.
One thing is for certain, your personal singles resume should always be growing, and you should be able to have numerous character references from credible non biased sources. You will have a married resume 1 day as well. In the meantime, live life. We only get 1 on this side.
As always, remember that you are Single For 1. That is all for now.
Your Singles Advisor,
The Duke