Archive for November 2010

It’s About Time You Give Me Something

November 11, 2010

I have had the opportunity to sit and listen to many women pour out their hearts about how they feel about life in general. I have spoken with women from all walks of life with different backgrounds, but there is one common theme. They talk about how much they give and give only to not be given the same back in return. It becomes so bad until too many of you compromised when you didn’t know you compromised. You compromised by consciously or subconsciously telling yourself that if you can just get back a little in return, you can deal with the rest. IF YOU ARE GOING TO DEAL WITH SOMEONE, DEAL WITH SOMEONE WHO GIVES YOU SO MUCH LOVE UNTIL YOU HAVE LEFTOVERS. Since when did less than the best become negotiable? Some of you say, “All I want is for a man to show that he cares and spend time with me.” “All I want is for a man to be there for me and won’t leave me.” Well, I have the solution for your temporary dilemma. Get in your car and drive down to the jailhouse. There you will find a man who will show you that he cares because you are the only woman he has seen in a while, and he will spend time because all he has is time. He won’t leave you because he cannot go anywhere. This sounds harsh and is in no way an attack or disrespect to men who are in the prison system. This was an illustration to show you that you have compromised and didn’t know it.

Wanting a man to do those things is very important, but you short change yourself when you are in such a position of discontent until you begin to talk about “all I want is,” as if that’s the only thing you want and you will be satisfied. There was a time when you wanted a lot more. However, you got used to dealing with the crumbs of relationships and did not have any leftovers. You gave all you had, leaving him plenty leftovers, but he gave you crumbs and you tried to scrape crumbs together to make a meal. A MAN SHOULD BE SO INTO YOU THAT HE IS WILLING TO BE WHAT YOU NEED HIM TO BE UNTIL HE BECOMES ALL YOU WANT HIM TO BE. When did your needs get pushed into the backseat?

I saw the movie “For Colored Girls” this past weekend and there was a scene when one of the characters said, “someone almost walked off with all of my stuff.” For the sake of theatre etiquette, I remained silent. However, I wanted to yell back and say, “he was not qualified to have access to your stuff.”  I say this time and time again. The man has to prove himself to you. Scripture says, “who can find a virtuous women? For her price is far above rubies.” The highest quality rubies are often valued higher than even diamonds. Notice the scripture says, she is far above rubies. In other words, it means that you are rare. You are upset because it seems like the right man never comes along. There will always be cheap and lazy jewel scavengers who will come along and are not willing to pay a price. You have allowed too many of them to gain access into your arena when they have not paid a price. DON’T ALLOW A MAN ONTO YOUR STAGE IF HE DOES NOT HAVE A PAID TICKET FOR ADMISSION! All that sneaking into the back door has to stop. Some parties are by invitation only, no room for party crashers! You are on center stage. If he comes through the door empty-handed and empty hearted, you send him right back through that door the way he came. Always remember that you are the gift, and you just have to remain a great gift. The man has to show you that he is worthy.

You give and you give. When will you get a return on your investment?  No one knows all of your most inner thoughts. No one knows the internal conversations you have when you rest your head on your pillow. You have envisioned being adorned in your beautiful white dress walking down the aisle. No one may know that sometimes you entertain thoughts that it will never happen. Perhaps you feel at times that love is for someone else or just too complex. Maybe you feel at times that you were destined to be single. Well, you must change your thinking. You will get just what you think. The average human has 70,000 thoughts in one day. That equals 490,000 thoughts in a week. What’s on your mind? Out of all those thoughts, how many of those are positive? It’s time you start giving back to yourself, and that starts by making sure the man gives you something first.

That is all for now.

Your Singles Advisor,

The Duke