Women tell me stories all the time of things a man does or does not do for them. I see Facebook and Twitter updates all the time. Too often, women get excited too quickly over very little signs. You haven’t survived the grace period yet, and you are already putting everything on blast. Everyone gets excited, and of course your friends get excited too. I am happy that they are happy, but after a short period, too often women go from talking relationship and thinking relationship to realizing there is no relationship. No question, you can’t always see it coming. Sometimes your desire to marry is so strong until it blinds you from seeing clearly. So, I will give you a list of 5 things you do not need to get excited about when a man does this:
1.) He Sends You A Text Message After He Has Not Spoken To You In Months:
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies, please hear me on this one. There is a very high probability that any man you have ever been in a relationship with or even talked to for a short while will text you out of the blue at some point. They can be randomly driving in their car and you cross their mind, so they text. This is VERY COMMON. Most of the time, you cross their mind because they remembered a good time you both had or their flesh is stirring up. So, after not speaking to them for weeks or months, he may say that he misses you. You tell him that you don’t believe it, but the more he texts, the more you may want to believe it, unless of course it is someone you totally want nothing to do with. So, depending on the state of mind you are in, you may entertain it and hope that something has changed. Let me bring it closer to home. Every female I have ever talked to cross my mind from time to time in the sense of me missing something about them. However, I recognize the difference, so I do not contact them when I know it is a brief feeling that will likely pass in 24-48 hours. A lot of men will not have this discipline because they may not recognize what they are doing. So, do not get ahead of yourself and get overly excited when he texts you, it was just a thought that they chose to act on. It may be someone else next week who cross his mind. If you entertain it for long, you will likely see old habits forming again. You know, those habits where it seems like he doesn’t answer his phone or return your texts as quickly as he did when he first contacted you again. Then you want to get mad. Don’t get your hopes up so quickly off a text message. He will have to show consistency for an extended period of time to overcome this rule and prove that he is serious.
2.) When a Man is Inconsistent But Tells You He Cares About You: Most men you talk to for a period of time will care about you, but it does not mean they care about you enough to change for the better. You ask for more time or attention, but he makes excuses. If a man says he does not talk on the phone much, but can text you all the time, that is another red flag. IF A MAN IS REALLY INTO YOU, THERE IS NOT MUCH HE WON’T DO. Texting is limited conversation and can be misinterpreted. I have heard many horror stories from women who have discovered that a man was texting another women with them in their face. That’s bold, but it’s an example to show you that one cannot truly interpret feelings and emotions through text. He may not talk on the phone much with others, but if he is into you, he will be inspired to do many things he normally does not do. We know that words are powerful, but actions are powerful as well. His words need to line up with his actions. You have to hold him accountable. If you constantly allow inconsistency, it will make it easier for him to remain inconsistent.
3.) When A Man All of a Sudden Wants You So Badly After Not Showing He Really Wanted You Before: This is also very common. If you and a man were talking or were in a relationship that was just not going anywhere and you decided to move on, and then he decides he just has to be with you. Most men do not want to see you with another man at all. So, due to emotion, he may get all upset and pour his precious heart out to you and beg you to take him back. Now, your life is all complicated because you met someone new and nice who is genuine and really showing they care. However, the man who wants you back is a man you have history with, so you are torn. WAS HE MOTIVATED BY HIS PASSION FOR YOU, OR WAS HE MOTIVATED BY THE IDEA OF YOU BEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE??? He was content until you decided to move on. He can be with someone else and still not like the fact that you are with someone else. Count the cost in this situation, because it can become very complicated when it does not have to be. When all the emotion calms down, what has really changed? Sure, a man can be scared straight, but be very careful as YOU MAY PROLONG A GOOD THING BY CLINGING TO AN OLD THING. You may have a favorite pair of shoes, jewelry or clothes. As the years go by, you will have a hard time letting it go. It does not take you losing it or not being able to wear it anymore to make you cherish it because you cherished it all along. Some of you have a favorite dress you are determined to wear again. So, if you are this way with clothes, it should be far more crucial with lives. IF HE DID NOT CHERISH YOU WHEN HE SAID YOU WERE WHAT HE MOST WANTED, DON’T GIVE HIM A FREE PASS TO CHERISH YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU BECAME MOST WANTED BY SOMEONE ELSE!!
4.) If a Man Asks For Your Advice: Yes, if he asks for your advice, he apparently respects your opinion. However, this does not mean wedding bells. He has spent time with you or getting to know you, and he feels comfortable to ask you deeper questions or confide in you. You are simply aiding him in making a single decision, but that decision does not always go hand in hand with him wanting a relationship with you.
5.) You Met the Family– Yes, meeting his family is typically VERY IMPORTANT to him, and not many may get that privilege. So, while it can potentially be a big deal, you should use caution. This does not automatically mean wedding bells or long-term commitment. In many cases, the opinion of his family matters to him. However, it will not keep you together. There are many women who are still in contact with family members of men they no longer associate themselves with. The entire family may like you, but he is still the one in the driver’s seat. I use this 5th point as a caution point to raise another point because it is sometimes your friends who may make it bigger than it is. “Girl, I’m ready for the wedding.” “You met his mom? Oh girl, he about to put a ring on it; he is serious.” If he has not talked about any of it, as far as you should be concerned, you know nothing about it. When a man is really into you, his words and actions are consistent. Too often, women spend too much time trying to figure out what the man is thinking or doing. His words and actions should answer your questions. If he leaves you with major questions, use caution. There is a significant difference between you being confident in the direction things are going to hoping that things go in a certain direction. There should be very little guess-work that you have to do. That is all for now.
Your Singles Advisor,
Duke