Archive for April 2011

The Waiting Game!

April 25, 2011

One of the subscribers to Single For 1 expressed how they felt on their journey. They discussed what it felt like waiting on God’s timing and walking forward even though they were not ok. So, I thought that surely she spoke from a place where other women have been or currently are right now. What happens when you are walking and waiting on God to send your mate, but you are not ok with the plan? Of course this is an easy answer, but the execution is what can make it challenging. Surely you know that God’s plan is best, but it does not always mean it feels good while going through the process.

It amazes me how many individuals I have consulted who you would never think that they felt no one was interested. I am talking about very well put together people who have a lot going for them who many men would be honored to spend time with. It seems like the more time goes by, the more they begin to have all kinds of thoughts. So, they remain busy to keep from thinking so much. There is nothing wrong with thinking, and you will have moments when you just wish someone was there. Not just anyone, but the 1. Men can go through this as well. I miss the little things too. Simple things as watching a movie, going for a walk, having an in-depth conversation or going out to dinner. When you truly desire a spouse, all these things don’t have as much of an impact with just anyone. Sure, you could get these things if you hung out with just anyone, but that’s not what you want. Who wants to waste time if it is not going to work out? Sure, you may not always know that upfront, but you can know enough. Waiting has never been an easy task for anyone because everyone wants what they want when they want it. Contrary to popular belief, men must wait as well! If you are truly in relationship with God as a man, you don’t want to pick any pretty face. I assure you that pretty face will not last if there is not substance to go with it. If God created the 1 for a woman, that also means He created the 1 for a man. A man has to wait on God to show him his wife just as a woman has to wait for God to send her husband. After this, both must be in agreement that it is all God as marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman and God.

Keep in mind; we are not talking about just dating to date. We are talking about being with the 1. Because you have standards, you should refuse to be with anyone just for the sake of being with someone. You should not be with someone for the sake of not wanting to be alone. You may be thinking, well a man does not have to wait because at least he can choose. A woman chooses too. The only main difference is that the woman does not pursue. However, once you are together, the woman expresses how she cares for the man as well. This is mutual love, not 1 sided. Sure, it is his responsibility to find you, but that is not always as easy as you think. Any man may want to marry you for a number of different reasons and it does not always mean he is hearing from God, but because he asked you to marry him, does that make him the one? No. The same way he chooses to ask is the same way you can choose to answer yes or no. If you do not believe him to be the 1, you would be doing everyone involved a disservice. Oddly enough, I just recently heard a story of someone who spoke to a male passenger on a plane who was very distraught because his fiancé had just texted him and informed him that she would not be joining him in Vegas for their planned marriage ceremony. I am sure that was a long and lonely flight for that man. Certainly, I would never suggest texting something like that, but if you are not 100% sure, there is no such thing as too late before the wedding.  Men have feelings as well and they too can be hurt.

So, although it appears that a man may have so many options while you are sitting around waiting for the 1 to come along, looks can be deceiving. You should prefer no dates while waiting for the 1 and have peace rather than 20 dates and 20 disappointments.  We all know that quantity does not always mean quality. You should want quality. It does not matter how many people you date or have dated, you are just trying to get to the 1. When a man is serious about seeking the 1 just as a woman is serious about the 1, there is little tolerance for games or time wasted. A man who is serious about finding the 1 does not want to get with someone who is not the 1 because he does not want to be hurt and does not want the woman to be hurt. The more time and pain that can be spared, the better. Yes, a man who desires a Godly ordained marriage must wait for God to show him you just as you have to wait for him to find you. HAVING A GOOD MAN DOES NOT MEAN A GOOD MARRIAGE IF HE IS NOT GOD’S 1 FOR YOU!

So, everyone must play the waiting game. I don’t always like it just like you don’t like it. At the same time, I don’t always think about it just as you don’t always think about it. However, this goes back to living your life. There are some things in life we do not have control over. So, stop saying everyone is in a relationship or everyone is getting married. God’s timing is the best timing because if it were not for His timing, we all would have made some major mistakes that He prevented from happening. Getting into a relationship is never the challenge, staying in it is the true challenge. This is why you are Single For 1. That is all for now.

Your Singles Advisor,

The Duke

Stop Wasting My Time!

April 8, 2011

Time is something we can never get back. Time is one of our most valuable resources. We must use it wisely, and everyone has the same 24 hours in a day. So, if you know that your time is valuable, you should also know that you don’t have time for anyone to be wasting your time. You should not allow men to be time wasters in your life. I have been at this long enough and have consulted enough people to know that for the most part, most women know very soon if a man is wasting their time. You know what you can tolerate, and you know what you will not tolerate.

I was speaking with someone recently as they expressed their discontent for men who always try to hint at what they want instead of being upfront. This particular guy kept texting her back and forth all day, and she was able to determine well in advance where he was trying to go with the text messaging. She timed it perfectly, as the guy proceeded to hint that he was hungry. He tried to hint that he wanted her to cook something for him. For starters, they were not in a relationship and barely friends. He never came out and asked, but he did everything you could possibly do without asking. She suggested that he cook something or suggested a nice restaurant.  She did not go in the direction he wanted, so of course the text messaging stopped. Stop letting men get away with being lazy. It is his responsibility to show you a good time because you are the gift. Again, I have stated this in numerous posts, the woman is the gift. Yes, there are some spoiled men out there who feel that they don’t have to work hard for their gift anymore because they have been spoiled by women who don’t know they are the gift. However, as a subscriber to Single For 1, you cannot subscribe to that mode of thinking because you know that you are the gift. You should make no excuses for it. YOU SHOULD RATHER BE A GIFT WRAPPED AND SINGLE THAN A GIFT UNWRAPPED AND  UNDERAPPRECIATED WITH A PIECE OF A MAN! A man can only get away with what is allowed. Since when did you cooking for a man you barely know become a good date? You know this goes back to my philosophy of not giving a man husband benefits when he is on a boyfriend plan. I have said this time and time again.

Men are not as slow as they sometime come across. Yes, men can be great at acting. You will hear things such as: “but you do it better than me,” “yeah but I don’t know how to do that,”  “it’s much better with a woman’s touch.” Now here is the big one, “I was just joking.” This is the most famous line used. When you hear this line, open your ears and eyes and put your antennas up even higher. Some men will only say they were just joking if you have alerted them that they have gone too far or if you don’t go down the same direction they are going in with the conversation.  I suggest you check a man early and often if they appear to be stepping out of line. That way, if he is about games, he won’t be able to stay around long enough to waste your time. If you lay down the law early and often, most of the time, the time wasters will disappear because you are not easy enough. Good, let them go. Let them go to some woman who will do any and everything for him just to say they have a man. Again, I will reiterate this as I always do, you are Single For 1. You don’t  have time for a man, you are waiting for your husband. Anything in between is a time waster. Sure, you can learn from past experiences, but you don’t want 20 lessons in the same category before you finally pass. You should be to a certain place after a while where after a few interactions with a man, you can pick up on things quickly because you have learned from past mistakes or lessons.

The problem only comes in when you are afraid of being alone, so you make excuses for the time waster and let him overstay his welcome. The bottom line is a man does not really have that much fun spoiling himself, but he will surely enjoy being spoiled by a woman. The 1 will be more concerned in doing everything he can to make you the happiest women around because he realizes he is the most blessed man around because he is with you. Save your excessive spoiling for someone who is worth investing your time into. That someone should be the 1. Even in that case, if spoiling is going on, it should be mutual. You will be amazed what you will discover when you actually require a man to put in some real work for your time and affection. Anyone can fake it for a short period of time. DON’T AWARD A MAN BASED ON HIS 1ST HALF PERFORMANCE, THE TRUE TEST IS IF HE CAN STAY AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO FINISH THE GAME! You cannot change what a man may do, but I assure you that if you remain consistent with your standards and expectations, time wasters will flee because they are not ready, willing or capable at this time to take what it requires to be with you. Let them carry on as they were without you. For that, I salute you and you ought to hold your head up and unapologetically stand behind that standard.  That is all for now.

Your Relationship Advisor,

The Duke