Archive for September 2010

2 Secrets You Should Already Know!

September 15, 2010

Time and time again, session after session, conversation after conversation, I see a similar pattern with some single women. Too often, some single women will make the similar mistake of making assumptions. So, I will give you 2 secrets you should already know.

1.) If a man doesn’t say he is interested, don’t assume- Yes, I know he asked for your phone number or you have talked on the phone with him on more than one occasion. You may have already started thinking this guy might be special. You are thinking that perhaps this may be a catch. Is this the one? You have talked to him a few times or maybe even a month. You have already told your friends about him and how great he is. You are already beginning to think this is going somewhere. Feelings are being developed. BUT…. He never once said that he wanted a relationship. Perhaps he hasn’t even said that he really was starting to like you. However, you have made the assumption that just because you talk on the phone a lot that he wants a relationship. The same way you go through a process, a man goes through an internal process as well. He knows what he wants, but it does not mean that he has already determined that it is you. Men can have great conversations with you, but he is still getting to know you. At first, of course there is an initial interest in some way shape or form. However, over time, over many conversations, it is possible that he has realized that even though the conversations were good, he may have gotten bored along the way. Yes, a man can get bored just like you can get bored. It does not mean anything is wrong with you, it just means that you are not exactly what he is looking for. Better yet, you two are just not the two God made for each other. Think about it…could every man you have ever talked to be the one? No. That is why you are waiting for the 1. Many of you have purchased some new shoes or an outfit, and when you tried it on in the store, it was a great match. You were absolutely interested in it. However, as time goes on, sometimes even after you see it in a different light, you decide that you really don’t like it as much as you thought you did. The same applies here.  When a man and a woman meet each other, they must get to know each other. The problem comes in when you assume that he wants a relationship. If he does not say that he is interested, don’t assume. I can hear the conversations now…. “Yeah girl, we talk almost everyday.” “He makes me laugh.” “I really enjoy our conversations.”   “He has a good job.” “He is smart.” All of these things are good, and you should be able to see things.…..However, I ask you, WHAT DID HE SAY? There is no question that the more a male and a female talk, as they are getting to know each other, it is very possible for feelings to get involved. This is natural. However, a major mistake you can make is to assume that he is set on a relationship. It may turn into a friendship or you both just may eventually begin to slowly cut back on the conversations. However, do you get mad when it happens? “Oh he just wasted my time.” He should have said he didn’t want a relationship. Well, he may be in search of a relationship, but to get to that point, it usually takes time to know enough about the person. So, did he waste your time or did you waste your time by assuming? “I thought he liked me?” “What did I do wrong?” “Is something wrong with me?”….NO, NO AND NO. Now you are allowing one situation bring on a bunch of thoughts that are unwarranted. As far as you are concerned, IF HE NEVER SAID IT, IT DOESN’T EXIST. The problem also comes in when all of your friends or family are telling you he is interested. Everyone said it except him. IF THE WATER DIDN’T COME FROM HIS WELL, AS FAR AS YOU ARE CONCERNED THERE IS NONE IN IT!!

Also, please be cautions of those texting relationships where all you do is text, and he rarely ever calls. Yes, during work hours, it is expected, but when that’s all he really does and then tells you that he is not a phone person, be cautious. He may not be a phone person, but I assure you he would become a phone person if it was important. Think about it like this….. He is enough of a phone person to text you all day on that same phone that he can’t seem to pick up. So, does this mean texting conversations are better than live conversations? What troubles me is the amount of women who find this acceptable and then make excuses for why it is ok. If all you are doing is seeing the words and never hearing the words followed by actions to back up the words, there is sure to be a problem in the near future.

2.) IF A MAN WANTS YOU, HE WILL PURSUE YOU- This is as simple as it sounds. This goes back to making assumptions. This will save you a lot of time and heartache. Yes, I know some men will say it, but are they showing it? Also remember this very important rule: HE HAS TO PROVE HIMSELF TO YOU 1ST!! He who finds a wife….. You didn’t really wait for him to prove himself to you. He has to pursue you. Too many of you are afraid that you may run the man away or scare him off if you don’t do this or that. Early on, you are wondering what it will take to satisfy him so he stays around. You have it all twisted and backwards. He needs to be thinking what he must do to keep you happy and interested. This is one common reason why too many women get so upset and are torn apart in these situations. DON’T GIVE A MAN CLEARANCE IF HE HAS FAILED THE BACKGROUND CHECK. I’m on a roll today with these quotes that are coming to me. A man will go after what he wants period! Too often women will make excuses for the man early on. “Well, he is real busy.” He has barely proven himself to you and you are already making excuses for him as to why he is not able to spend the necessary time with you to get to know you. You are making excuses for him and he has proven absolutely nothing to you! YOU POURED OUT YOUR ALL IN WEEK 1, NOW HE IS GONE AND YOU ARE EMPTY!  I guarantee you that he will make time for what he wants. DON’T EMPTY YOUR GLASS IF HE HASN’T DONE MUCH TO POUR ANYTHING IN IT. Him being busy has nothing to do with you, nor is it your problem. A man will make time for his hobbies. He will make the necessary adjustments for what is important. Better yet, I guarantee he would make room on his ohhhh so busy calendar if the White House called and said the President was willing to meet with him. As far as you are concerned, in his world, you should be bigger than the president. EXPECT MORE AND YOU WILL BEGIN TO GET MORE!

That is all for now.

Your Singles Advisor,