Question of the Week: Did Ruth force herself on Boaz?

Q: Did Ruth Position herself for Boaz?

A: You raise a great question as it stems from the last Question of the Week, in which I mentioned that a woman should not try to position herself for a man. In doing this, you are trying to make it happen, and ultimately a man will know what he wants and should pursue the woman. The simple answer would be No. It appears that Ruth positioned herself from our modern view, but during her time, she was not positioning herself. She was practicing an ancient Near Eastern custom.

Now, we hear women say all the time that they are waiting for their Boaz. So, I will get right into it, as I will have to give a historical background of the story of  Ruth and Boaz. For the sake of length, I will not go into full detail of the story. You can find it in the Bible in the book of Ruth.

The question is stemmed from the 3^rd chapter in the Book of Ruth.  Ruth was living with her mother-in-law Naomi and they both were widows. So, Naomi took on responsibility as a parent during that time to arrange a marriage and informed Ruth that she needed to find her a home where she would be well provided for and have security. So, Naomi told Ruth to wash up, put on perfume and her best clothes and then go to the threshing floor where Boaz was located at night and lay at his feet. The threshing floor was where the farmers would remove the grain from the husks and separate the good grain from the weeds. Boaz would be found sleeping there late at night to defend against any robbers who may have attempted to steal the grain.

So, Ruth followed the instructions of her mother-in-law and laid at Boaz’s feet. This was dangerous and risky because Ruth could have been attacked at night, if Boaz was not a good man, he also could have taken advantage of her. This was not something that would have been encouraged. During these times, it was customary for the wife to enter the bed at her husband’s feet, go under the covers and then lie next to him. Ruth, was instructed to just lay at his feet, as she was not his wife.  This may seem like an aggressive move or “positioning herself” in our culture, but in actuality, this was a sign of humility and submission on Ruth’s part. During those times, to lay at one’s feet was what servants did with their masters. So, Ruth was showing humility and submission to whatever Boaz instructed her to do, which is what Naomi told her she should do.

What we must realize is that Ruth was attempting to claim her rights because Boaz was her Goel (kinsman redeemer). However, instead of coming to command that he do his part, she came humbly. The kinsman redeemer had a number of responsibilities, and one of them was to buy back land of their deceased family member or to marry the widow of the deceased family member. In this case, Boaz was a family member of Naomi’s deceased husband Elimelech.  So, Ruth had a right to expect Boaz to marry her to carry on the family name of Elimelech. This was not the same thing as a Levirate marriage, in which the brother of the deceased was to marry the widow and made sure they had a child together to carry on the family name. In this case, there was no brother, so the responsibility gets passed on to the kinsman redeemer.
However, Boaz had the right to accept or reject.  This shows Ruth’s loyalty to her mother-in-law Naomi because Ruth had the right to marry a younger man and into a completely different family and not be concerned about Naomi’s husband’s family name. Boaz was at least an entire generation older than her. Naomi and Ruth were poor now and Naomi had to sell some of her husband’s land, which is another reason why Boaz was expected to buy it back.

Prior to Naomi’s instructions to Ruth, Boaz had already noticed Ruth. He later found out who Ruth was and how loyal she was to come to a foreign country with Naomi. So, he treated Ruth well. Instead of picking up the grain left behind by the harvesters with the rest of the poor individuals, Boaz allowed her to work with the women who worked for him and told the men not to do anything to her regardless of her status. He also allowed her to eat with them and had some of his men assist her with picking some of the grain. So, Boaz already began taking care of her. He already showed an interest.

Ruth approached quietly at night to where Boaz was sleeping. She stayed there patiently at his feet until something startled him. It was nothing Ruth did because she was waiting quietly and patiently, and then Boaz recognized her, and asked who she was. She confirmed who she was and told him that he is the family kinsman redeemer. Boaz accepted the role. Again, he did not have to. However, he informed her that there was another kinsman redeemer who was more closely related to Naomi’s husband than he was, but if he would not take on the role, Boaz would. At the end, the other kinsman redeemer was willing to redeem or buy back the land that was lost, but when he was told he also had to acquire Ruth who was the widow, he declined. So, Boaz was next in line and redeemed the land and Ruth.

What can we take from this during our times? Boaz was a good man and he showed an interest by essentially placing Ruth on the same status as those who worked for him, even though she was poor. So, Boaz showed that he was willing to be a provider. Ruth showed that she was loyal to family and was willing to do what she had to do to preserve the legacy of her husband and his father.

Boaz recognized Ruth while she was working trying to provide for her own family. She was not hard pressed to find a man to take care of her. She was not even concerned about a husband. She did what she had to do. It was her mother-in-law Naomi who even brought the idea up to her. When Ruth came to the threshing floor, Boaz did not even comment on her beauty. He mentioned how her act was kinder than her 1^st act of coming to the town with her mother-in-law, and now she was trying to preserve her mother-in-law husband’s family name. So, he said he would do for her all that she asked. Then, the key thing is Boaz said that everyone in his town knew that she was a virtuous woman. Ruth’s character spoke more than her words.

Ruth’s character is what attracted Boaz the most. Are you working on your assignment? Are you focused on what you need to be doing right now? Just like Boaz, your future husband will be willing to do anything for you that you ask because of who you are. So, you will never have to position yourself for a man. I have always observed women from a distance when I saw something in them. You may never know when a man is observing you from a distance and watching what you say and do. I hear women in the church say all the time that men rarely approach them or ask them out. Yes, some are not ready for commitment and standards, but that’s not who you want. What I do know is that for many who are seeking a wife, I assure you they are observing. Some women I have observed, I stopped observing because of something that I saw that did not work for me. Not that they were a bad person, but just like a woman should not want any man but a husband. A man should not want any woman but a wife. Men who are ready to marry have on their radars and are observing.  Your “Boaz” will or is already looking for you. You never know who is observing you. Also, every man who observes you from a distance is not your husband. Every man who approaches you is not your husband. It is only 1. So, focus on doing what you do best because we can tell when a woman is trying to position herself. Take my advice…Don’t do it. That is all for now.

Your Singles Advisor,

The Duke

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