Either You Want Me Or You Don’t!


Your decision


Sometimes it is easy to make dating and relationships become far too complex. There is often too much guesswork going on. You’re trying to figure them out and they’re trying to figure you out. You think they like you, but you’re not sure if they’re into you as much as you’re into them.


The list goes on and on. However, dating does not have to be complicated. Either they want to work towards a long term relationship or they don’t. Either you want to or you don’t. One of the worst mistakes you can make is to assume.


You know my Golden Rule of dating is to Never Assume! They must show it and say it on a consistent basis. If you are left trying to fill in the gap, there is a high probability that you will be wrong in 1 area or another. You shouldn’t have to guess in a relationship. The evidence presented should be enough.


Don’t try to convince yourself that you don’t see what you know you saw. Don’t make excuses for people because it truly does take 2 being on the same page for a relationship to be effective. It goes without saying that Christ should be the foundation of the relationship.


Too many have spent far too much time trying to make something work and spending years waiting for a true commitment. Oftentimes, those in those situations are holding themselves hostage. Just b/c you invested a lot of time in a relationship doesn’t mean you should keep investing if you aren’t getting a positive return!


You should not have to guess if a person wants to be there or not. You are too valuable to be with someone who thinks they have better options! If you are in this type of situation, all it will do is create insecurity. It will only make you continuously be looking over your shoulder in fear. This is why it goes back to your self worth. You have to know that you are in a class of your own!


Begging someone to stay with you or to be in a relationship when you haven’t done anything to make them want to go is preposterous. You may not literally beg, but you may beg through your actions. A relationship is supposed to be mutual. The moment someone thinks they have an advantage over you is the moment you just gave an unworthy counterpart the upper hand.


You haven’t gone through what you’ve gone through to get to a point where you have to convince someone to be there or to convince someone why they should talk to you. God is too big for you to have to settle for whatever you can get in a relationship! It doesn’t have to be complicated. You cannot make someone love you the way you need to be loved.


I assure you that if you love yourself the way you should be loved, you will never accept anyone who loves you any less! Either the person you’re in a relationship with or getting to know wants to continue the progress or they don’t. It is just that simple. It doesn’t mean challenges won’t come, but the 1st decision to be made is if you and them want to be there.


Your love is truly a treasure and everyone is not qualified to open it up! Thieves only come to steal. You don’t want another person to run off with your love. You will certainly love again, but you must be careful not to give your attention to those who have not even earned the right for it. Just because someone is interested doesn’t mean everyone gets a chance.


Even with men, the man pursues, but he shouldn’t pursue women who he knows does not meet his standards. If her character or the way she lives her life is contrary to your standards, why pursue? As a woman, why entertain a man who has shown that his character is suspect? Don’t go into something when there are already facts on the table telling you it’s not worth it.


Yes, people can change, but when they’re in the act of not changing yet, you can’t think that it’s your job to change them. Change must be voluntary in some way, shape or form. There is not a shortage of good men and good women. That is a trick of the enemy.


God is great at math, and as far as you are concerned, you only need 1. When you get caught up in statistics and who or what is out there, you miss the point that you only need 1. You need the right 1, but you should do your best to not entertain someone who you know is the wrong 1 for the sake of having company.


There are some things that some of you have settled for and entertained for far too long. You know better. You see the signs. It’s right in your face, and it’s time for you to do something about it. If you’re waiting patiently for the 1, continue to do so. However, don’t allow frustration cause you to try to take matters into your own hands. That’s like relationship suicide. All it will do is create more frustration in the long run.


Don’t give any more of your time to someone who doesn’t value it. Don’t sacrifice any more of yourself. If you’re in a situation where you’ve been waiting for years for someone to marry you, you must ask yourself some serious questions. How many more excuses will you come up with?


You certainly don’t want to force someone to do it. So, you must really examine the situation and stop allowing excuses to cause you from seeing the truth. Perhaps they are too comfortable with the setup to where there is no sense of urgency for marriage because they already have all the benefits of marriage. Where is God in it?


Some of you are still holding a place in your heart for the possibility that 1 person may come back or that you let a good one get away. If part of your love is still somewhere else, you won’t be able to give all of your love to anyone else. Life is moving forward, not backwards. The only thing where things are working backwards in your life is in the spirit, simply because as far as God is concerned, it’s already done.


This is why you should have joy because God knows the beginning and the end, and in the midst of it, He promised never to leave your nor forsake you. That’s a promise from God, and He doesn’t go back on His promises. Don’t you know that He created only 1 of you? That alone makes you rare. People search the entire globe for the rarest things, which are also held in very high regard.


Rare is valuable. God doesn’t want His children living below their potential or accepting less than what He has for you. So, why on earth would you settle in a relationship? Why on earth would you believe that God has forgotten about you when it’s His will to bring you joy?


From this day forward, don’t cheat yourself any longer. Don’t try to make someone love you. Don’t try to convince someone that you add value to their life. If they can’t see it, I assure you the right person will. No person will be able to love you like the 1 God has for you!


Don’t settle for a piece of love when God wants you to have it all! Jesus didn’t die for you to have a normal relationship, but He died so you could have an abundant relationship. You should have heaven on earth, and that includes heaven in your relationships. Will there be challenges? Of course, but the beauty is you will always get back on track when you both keep Christ at the center.


In the meantime, maintain your standards. Love yourself, and don’t stay where you don’t feel welcomed. Thank God for delivering you from some relationships that you know were sent to take you down! God has the 1 for you, and it requires you getting past the wrong 1. You will heal and be with the piece you have been missing.


As always, remember that you are Single For 1! That is all for now.

Your Relationship Advisor,

The Duke logo 1

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11 Comments on “Either You Want Me Or You Don’t!”

  1. Suzette M Lindo Says:

    Wow, it gets better and better, ( Your love is truly a treasure and everyone is not qualified to open it up! Thieves only come to steal. You don’t want another person to run off with your love. You will certainly love again, but you must be careful not to give your attention to those who have not even earned the right for it. Just because someone is interested doesn’t mean everyone gets a chance) this speaks to me.


  2. Alicia Says:

    Love It!


  3. Lucy Says:

    Thank u. So right on….i continue at 53 to wait on GOD. I date myself. Meaning i treat myself as i want to be treated. God is my main man,my husband,my friend. Until his timing for me to meet the man he has for me. I used to laugh n say well LORD I dont know how im going to meet this person cuz I don’t go any where. But that dont matter. To GOD, if he can make a donkey talk. Then meeting the man has for me is nothing. Thank you n keep on sharing


    • Duke Says:


      I’m glad you enjoyed the blog post. Yes, you must continue to love yourself and enjoy life. God is more than capable of handling when you meet the 1. However, I would suggest you find some hobbies and things you enjoy doing or are interested in and go out and do it. It’s not the intent to meet a man, but just to interact with people with like interests and you never know what might happen. The key is that you are enjoying life. Many more blessings to you!


  4. Jenifer Says:

    Wow…I really needed to read that message. Thank you so much. I dearly appreciate you for delivering such an inspiring message. Truly.



  5. Chante Says:

    Reblogged this on lovesaga blog and commented:
    I approve this message! #loveyourself


  6. Gbemmy Says:

    Wow! Seems you had me in mind when writing this special piece. All the points you listed are exactly what I’m going through right now and to tell you the truth, it’s really painful to watch someone you love dearly take your love for granted. I’m about writing a professional exam next week and it’s so hard to focus on my studies because of the immense pain I feel in my heart. I really want to cut off all lines of communications between us and change church but don’t know whether to do it now or after my exams. Please reply.


    • Duke Says:

      Hello Gbemmy,

      God knew exactly what you needed. I’m glad He used me to write the post, as it speaks to exactly what you’re dealing with right now. I certainly understand what it’s like to go through that type of pain while also having other responsibilities. It sounds like you both attend the same church, so you see him often. If that’s the place you’re being fed spiritually, I wouldn’t advise leaving the church unless the Holy Spirit led you to do so. I certainly would not advise leaving the church b/c you are going through a breakup with someone who attends. You can still be cordial and say hello if you see him at church, but it doesn’t mean you are obligated to engage in a full conversation. Perhaps you will be able to in the future, but right now, the pain is still there. I don’t know what happened, but the key is in you understanding what you deserve from a man, and if he was not the 1 who could do that, then you will be happy that you moved on, even though it hurts right now.

      If you’re trying to heal and move on, constant communication with him won’t help, even if he still wants to talk like everything is normal. Unfortunately, it isn’t, so you must do what you need to do so that you can move on. If that means cutting off communication with him, then so be it. It’s not personal, but it’s necessary. I don’t know why it ended, but in order to begin the healing process, you cannot keep going back and forth with him b/c it will just keep the wound open.

      Everytime you talk to him right now it is difficult b/c the pain is still so fresh. So, you must give yourself time to heal and move on from him. It’s literally a day by day process. It will take prayer, and when your mind begins to wonder and think about him, do your best to change your thoughts when it happens. The more you think about it, the more you’re giving life to your pain.

      If you both attend the same church and it’s small enough to where you would see each other every week, and if you both are active at the church and serving together, perhaps you could also talk to one of the leaders of the church, depending on the severity of the situation.

      Overall, in order for the healing to begin and for you to move on, it must start with not communicating the way you are now. All that will do is keep the pain going and provide a false sense of hope. It’s like pretending everything is normal when it’s not. You must focus on your exams now, so right now he is a distraction. Since he is a distraction, you should cease communication all together or until you know you’re over it. I will certainly be praying for you. Keep me posted. You can also send an email to my administrators address at info@singlefor1.com, and the information will be forwarded to me. Many blessings to you.


  7. Gbemmy Says:

    Hello sir, are you there? Sent a comment earlier I assume you’re very busy at this time but do revert when you get this message. I need your advise urgently please!


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